Giving, receiving, and winning

I’m making a bad habit out of not writing; I think it’s because I have SO MUCH CRAP going on that I don’t want to think about it all- let alone tie it all together in that blender of thoughts in my head. But that’s kind of the point of my blog, that everyone has crap. Most people pretend that they don’t have it (at least not the bad crap) to even themselves or acknowledge the power that crap can have. But, since all those critical thinking, theory, and interpersonal communication classes RUINED me, I personally can’t stop thinking about it all. And most of it’s all good. So let’s see what I have crap-wise right now…there’s my mom (who just had a pretty intense major surgery), the guy from my last post (who I called “said guy”), my new job (which I haven’t really written about), and my 16 year old is about to tour Texas (2800 mile road trip) with his band and only one adult. And that’s only the major crap; there’s always a ton more that pops in and out from time to time and is tied into the major crap, because it’s CRAP that we all have to deal with. Oh, and jury duty. But that’s not a big deal unless they pick my name. I’ll keep you posted. But the good news is that I got my tax refund. So I’m all caught up financially and less stressed about money- maybe the karma gods are finally giving some back. Just in case, thank you karma gods, keep it coming. There, that ought to placate them for a bit…

I wrote before that I’m an ENFJ, the giver. I give. And I take extreme pleasure in making people happy. That includes my mother. My mother, on the other hand is an ENTJ, the executive. And while it’s only one letter away (the T instead of the F) it alters her personality (from mine) to be even more judgmental and rigid, more demanding and harsh, less emotional and empathetic, and most importantly- a leader who takes and doesn’t give. And don’t get me wrong, I love my mother. She helped make me the fantastic person I am, which also added to the most amazing kid on the planet, my kid (he’s an INTP). And we can’t change our personality types…my point is that there’s an acceptance of my mother and that her nose breaking comments are part of her, just as my “giving” is part of me. It’s really simple: we clash because I strive for that pat on the back, while she is wondering why it’s taking me so long to serve her when I’m waiting for that pat. But she just had a major surgery and it made me really think about our relationship. It made me think that it’s ok that every time I go to see her I straighten my hair because she doesn’t like the “just laid” natural curls look on me, I wear pink because she’s always loved me in pink, that me being the peacemaker between my sister and brother (it’s really bad) is worth the effort to make her happy, and that her not bitching at me IS my pat on the back. But she’s ok. And yesterday I did more to “serve” her and her needs. But it served mine too. While I was there, she had no nose breaking comments and even seemed happy that I’m finally getting some. Oh, I had to borrow her pie plates. And since she knows that I haven’t cooked, let alone baked in a long ass time, that I’m “giving” to a guy. Whatever. But she did say I’m old enough to make my own decisions (shocker) and absorbed what Matthew (the best kid on the planet) said- that said guy seems really nice (Matthew met him at one of his gigs) and if he’s prompting me to cook and bake again, he has to be awesome. Ugh, and he’s ok…everyone’s ok.

It’s been just over two weeks with said guy, but I’ve known him for like two months. He took forever to give into our “thing” and it drove me nuts because I knew he was feeling it. I really should name him, but I don’t want to yet. I’m going to stick with said guy. He makes me want to cook for him. He’s also currently “winning” in what you could call our relationship- but I’m not calling it that yet either, I’m a wimp. Winning is about the give and take- and sex. He’s ahead in all of it. But while he feels as if he’s winning, don’t forget that I’m a giver. So really, I’m winning because he is. And he gives a ton too. It’s really cute the little things he does because he already knows that I don’t like receiving, so he sneaks in his own giving. He’s made me dinner a few times, fixed crap at my house, and (this is my favorite) bought me a bottle of Apostrophe wine to tie my writing thing into my obsession for wine. I can even picture him standing in the wine section (he’s SO not a wine drinker) looking at all the wines to find me the perfect one. It’s really cool. It’s almost too cool and it scares me that I like him. Again, I just need to relax (like I ever can) and see where it goes. But I like to plan and he is a go with the flow kind of guy. He’s an ISTP and didn’t know anything about that stuff before he met me. He placated me by taking the test. And that’s enough about him. I don’t want to make him a bigger deal to you or me. But you get it.

So the most amazing kid ever, Matthew, is going to the Austin music festival with his band next month. I’ve already said that they are really good, and now you know they really are. He will be fine, because he is that independent and awesome. It’s going to be so cool for him. I just bought him a new bass (tax money) and am in the process of getting everything he needs for his trip. Oh, not that he’s incapable, I just am a mom and a giver. But I will still be a bit annoyed that I won’t be able to share that experience with him. I have to work. And I didn’t write anything yet about my new job because I do love it, so I’ll be quick in bitching about the worst part of it. It really annoys me that when I was hired, my boss told me that I could work whatever hours I wanted, and now he’s telling me that I can’t go in at 7am. Apparently, if I go in at 7, instead of 8, it REALLY messes up payroll and I get switched from office staff to like a worker guy. You would think that hour wouldn’t make that much of difference to the home office, but it does. To me it’s the difference of driving for 30 minutes at 6:30 or for over an hour if I leave at 7:00. Really? With all the advancements in technology, you would think that they could program me to be office staff at 7. It’s not like I even am office staff; I’m an event planner/marketing consultant, my hours should be nights and weekends- when there are events…so that’s all I’m going to write about my work for now. But I do love it and it’s still perfect for me. I have to get started baking pies now and continue feeling as if I’m winning- in all aspects of my life. I really am getting there…


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