Reaching for the right stars

I once said that writing is like talking, only just written down. I also said that I feel that when I’m writing, I’m talking to specific people. Now I know that’s not it. I talk more than any person on the planet, using my on stage voice (even in small groups) and the corresponding theatrical gesturing – to ensure everyone can hear me and is properly engaged. Sometimes I talk so quickly that my mouth can’t keep up with my thoughts and I skip complete words (like we do when we read). And most times I talk in circles after getting side tracked, losing my train of thought, before finding it again. My friends call it “speaking Sandy” as if it’s a separate language or dialect one has to learn. And it probably is. But my writing doesn’t reflect any of that. At least I hope it doesn’t. I write with more thought, intention, and feeling than I talk. I write about things that I don’t talk about, but that need to get out, that I need to get out. It’s possible that I simply don’t have the right people to talk with about this crap, but there’s that unwritten (and unspoken) rule about not saying things that people don’t want to hear, so I write. And while I hope that you can both see and hear my voice in my writing, I also hope that you are properly engaged, entertained, are even a bit compelled to assimilate with my crap and plight for self-actualization, and start your own. After all, the world would be a better place if we all owned up to our crap, got over it, learned from it, and reached our full potential as people. Maybe there would be less crap…Oh, and read here about reaching full potential and self-actualization

Having written all of that, you would think that what I have planned out for the rest of this post would be some deep, thought provoking, emotional, life changing revelation. But it only will be if you let it; it’s about stretching. I woke up today with a kink in my back, so I stretched. I did that huge stretch where you put both arms completely over your head and reach as high as you can. In the back of my mind, I heard former gym teachers and coaches telling me to reach for the stars, to stretch out and be as tall as I can be, and hold it there for as long as I can. It was quite motivating. Then I looked at the clock; it was 4:11. That was fitting because it prompted me to think about the 411 that’s tied to all of us- how all of our 411 images connect to us being as big as we can, and our ability to reach for the stars. But because our own 411 images are tied into self-esteem, acceptance, and being prepared to be unpopular (the foundation of self-actualization, really take the time and read that other post), our stretch to reach for the stars has a direct correlation on that self image. And not to be a complete nut, but I really think you should take the time to do that stretch and think about all that’s tied into it. Personally, my reach made me realize a few things that I didn’t know. And yes, I’m going to share.

My stretch made me realize that I wasn’t reaching far enough before; my stars were too low. And it’s not because of my 411 image, it’s because I didn’t see the higher stars until 4:11 this morning. You can’t reach for things that you don’t know are there. It’s like my new job, the job I held out for, knowing that I could do more and not have to settle- so I reached for it, the most distant star, and I got it. But this morning’s reach made me see that the highest stars are my everyman candidates; they aren’t “that guy” or even high maintenance McFly (to make a long story short, McFly’s history). As I wrote yesterday in, my everyman isn’t on an online dating website. He’s just not. I also wrote yesterday about how my everyman doesn’t have a preconceived mold he has to fit into, it’s about acceptance and fitting, give and take. But I have to fit into his mold too. And that’s where it gets a bit tricky because I am me. I have past crap (both good and bad) that shaped me and made me the unique person that I am. Marie once told me that I’m the most vain person that she knows. But I believe that’s more about me being confident in myself, my self-esteem, and an acceptance of all the crap that I have learned from- just like one needs to have to achieve self-actualization. Sure I have issues with all that deep emotional crap, but the one thing that my everyman will have, is the power to knock down those walls and make me want to give into it. My everyman will not only know what I want and what I’m scared of, he’ll also have it in him to man up and say something like this- and actually mean it: “I know what you want. And I’m going to break you of being a wimp.” He also has to have high self-esteem himself and not be afraid of what makes me unique. I’m not going to change my core self; it is about acceptance, give and take, and plain old fitting. So I adjusted my stars this morning, stretched myself out as tall as I can be, and plan on holding myself there, reaching til I see the right one.


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