Explaining Debbie’s kiss

Throughout this blog, I have repeatedly claimed that it is not for you. But it is. And apparently I have some explaining to do about Debbie and why the kiss I received from her on New Year’s meant so much from yesterday’s post Realism, Karma, and Kissing Debbie. One of my readers wrote me that “you can’t mention kissing Debbie unless you are going to tell the story . . . it’s too random and bad etiquette.” The entire time I believed that the main point of being pleasantly surprised by a simple gesture, the kiss, as a moment of intimacy that holds meaning, and adds depth to me in my attempt to have a “real” relationship was more important than the actual kiss or situation. She also wrote: “I still have no clue why it was important, who Debbie is, and what circumstances made it happen. All I know is that you might be a lesbian now, but aren’t ready to share it yet.” Obviously my bigger point of the fact that I have a friend who selflessly went out of her way to make a gesture (by kissing me), combined with the fact that I assigned it as a moment of intimacy, proving that I DO have it in me to have intimate relationships, even with friends, was lost. So lets start at the beginning and why this is important.

I wrote in one post, Other People’s Crap, that my best friend (Marie) told me about three years ago that “I had been being completely self absorbed and a horrible friend. . . she informed me about introversion, probing questions, and reciprocity.” Since then, I have had more quality relationships and can honestly say that the intimacy of them has altered me from the methodical robot that I had been, to a more caring and better friend in general. All of this is part of my self-actualization process, which I write about in Looking in the Mirror. It’s about significant others and “the REAL ME (the hopeless optimist with little drippy tears) and the ME who I show everyone . . . [and that] I have more true significant others than I even knew I did. They kind of snuck up on me, surprising me, adding to my true self image- as I hope I add to theirs.” Debbie is now one of those new-found significant others, she “is someone whose opinions matter to us and who is in a position to influence our thinking, especially about ourselves; they can be anyone: a parent, sibling, spouse, best friend, or even an acquaintance.” And don’t get me wrong, I’ve always liked Debbie and considered her a good friend, but her description of friend has changed for me, not necessarily for her, because assignment of significant other doesn’t need to be reciprocal. She could (and probably does), think I’m a total wacko. But again, the bigger point is that I do have it in me to have moments of intimacy and let people in. AND this all might lead to my main goal of self-actualization and having a “real” relationship with my everyman (who actually doesn’t matter right now); it’s a process, bear with me.

So, to my dear reader, who asked for clarification about who Debbie is, the story behind the kiss, and questioned my sexuality, I will attempt to appease you now with the entire story. On New Year’s Eve, I hung out with two other women friends (and an awesome teenager) who didn’t want to attend the party that we were supposed to go to. They’re both married and wanted a quiet girls night in without little kids. We had a great time, ate lots of crappy food, and talked- the typical girls night, it was perfect. I had just recently started talking with McFly, who was being attentive and texting me all night. But it was too soon for McFly and I to hang out, especially on a big night like New Year’s. Both women knew of him and also that my quest to find my everyman was out there; they also knew that being alone on New Year’s was something like a badge of pathetic-ness to me. And while I didn’t mope and had a great time, when Debbie kissed me at midnight, it made me realize that she is one of my significant others, that she cares, and the moment of the kiss became a moment of intimacy for me, confirming all of this. Debbie kissed everyone, not just me. It wasn’t a real kiss and I am not, nor is Debbie, a lesbian (not that there’s anything wrong with that). But that kiss inspired hope in me about moments of intimacy that matter, giving me hope for my “real” relationship, for the Triangular Theory of Love goal of consummate love, and brought in the New Year with a kiss that tied it all together. Oh, and it made my New Year’s Eve less pathetic, because I got a kiss…

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