My best friend’s crap, her husband’s penis and whore, and me…

I had to dig through the photos in my old emails not too long ago. I wanted to send “that guy” a particular picture of me that I knew wasn’t in my computer, but that I had previously sent to someone else. And please remember that I believed him to be my everyman, so it was cool that I took the time. I really am awesome and will do anything for anyone. I logged into my yahoo, gmail, comcast, and even my college email to sort through the pictures, looking for that ONE picture of me that would inspire my everyman to feel me up a bit. But I found penis pictures and videos, lots of them. I could tell it was the same penis, because there are hundreds of pictures of it; there are even videos of it in action. The problem was, I knew I hadn’t actually MET that penis in person, let alone seen it close up, OR used it for anything remotely justifying the number of pictures or the climactic videos. So I looked at the dates they trickled into my email, referenced which penises I was being intimate with at the time (so maybe there was more than one, don’t judge me), and knew it wasn’t one of my penises. Well, you get it.

Finally, with the intensity that the penis of the videos ejaculated with its discharge of semen, it all came back to me. It was (and still is) the penis of my best friend’s soon to be ex-husband. Thank god I didn’t recognize it, that would have been really awkward. Basically, her soon to be ex-husband (I’m going to call him Walter) is a lying, cheating, swindler who sent these penis pictures and videos to his equally married lover. My best friend (Marie) and I one day hacked into his computer after learning about the extra marital affair to get evidence. Since we were unprepared (and didn’t have a flash drive), we decided to email them to me. Marie wasn’t sure if he had access to her email accounts since they were (and still are) married. So now I have hundreds of pictures of Walter’s penis and some really interesting videos of him masturbating in various locations- his car, the smoking tent at the bar he frequents with his whore, the bathrooms of various family members, and even all around their marital home. At the time, Marie was quite upset, now we both think it’s funny- to an extent.

But the most perplexing in all of this, is why would Walter’s whore even want that many pictures and videos of his penis? And while most are of just him and his hand in various locations, there are videos of him masturbating through the handle of a cup, the dining room chair spindles, and even pillows. It seems as Walter sent her these frequently too, on a daily basis. But what chick (whore or not) even gets remotely excited over penis pictures and videos? I am the most sexual person I know- and not once, not ever, has a penis picture done anything for me sexually. Oh, but once I did get a penis picture that made me miss what that penis could do and who it was attached to, but that’s different. It didn’t turn me on, it inspired reflection about my relationship with that penis. Women aren’t like men in that sense – at least I don’t believe we are – and the penis isn’t what does it for us. It’s the getting to the penis that does it; it’s the process of preparing the penis for play that inspires us to hop on or whatever we want to do. So I don’t understand Walter or his whore in this aspect. The only thing that I can think of, is that Walter and his whore are more about the excitement of cheating on their spouses; the pictures and videos that Walter sends are intended to be proof of his desire for her and his contempt for his marriage. Maybe?

And please don’t misunderstand me in all this. Walter has a great penis. It has potential for reaching colossal heights. It’s just that we women don’t want your penis pictures. They don’t do anything for us. Send us a picture of you looking sad, like you miss us; send one of you happy and excited about us; send one of you laying down that shows the spot we’ll fit in to cuddle. We’re women, we love pictures of you. And while we also understand that pictures of us have the potential to excite you, it’s not a reciprocal relationship. We send you pictures as teases to inspire you to feel us up a bit, like I was attempting to do with my everyman…thankfully I never found any and sent nothing even remotely inappropriate. But my everyman and I did have a conversation about penis pictures- inspired by me finding Walter’s pictures. He gets it. That really sucks because that’s just one more way he fits into my everyman idea and is also the reason I’m having a hard time letting him go. And while I still haven’t heard from him, and don’t expect to anytime soon, part of me clings to the idea that he will one day suck it up and call me. I think it’s because he’s simply ignoring me and hasn’t actually told me to leave him alone or move on. It wouldn’t even take long; he could send a text, email, or even call me. But as I’m not the crazy mess that he told my friend I am, I am finding other guys to superficially occupy my time. I’m not dead; I’m just a hopeful idiot.

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One comment

  1. […] back home. And if you don’t know the reason the papers needed to be served, here ya go- https://everyonehascrap.wordpress.com/2013/12/16/my-best-friends-crap-her-husbands-penis-and-whore-an…. What none of these posts reveal though, is that I have known Walter my entire life, which is a bit […]

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