Other people’s crap…but really it’s all about me

I always thought that when I started this, that I’d be too private and guarded to share my own crap. Obviously that hasn’t been an issue. But someone asked me to write about other people’s crap, specifically hers, and I’m not sure I have it in me. This is my best friend of 30 years- and yes, someone is able to put up with me for that long (hence the basis of my idiotic hope in finding my everyman). We are extreme opposites about lots of things; the main one is that she’s an introvert who isn’t comfortable in social settings, while I’m likely to be dancing on the bar with all my new friends. But what I’ve found over the years is that we balance each other out with our differences. She calms me down and shuts me up, and I encourage her to speak up for what she wants. We laugh, we cry together, and we even fight. We have a history that goes back to high school, through college, marriage for both of us, my divorce, and her impending one. The last few years she has said that she gets enough entertainment from my life to know she’s never going to take the same path that I have.

My divorce has been final since October of 2007, but the entertainment started in late 2005 when I found the reason I made Matthew’s dad leave. And while I am not going to say what it was, it’s completely hilarious now, but it wasn’t then. I made him leave in spring 2006 and had my first date with an ex Navy Seal the day after he moved out. That date would be the start of my military tour; I have almost completed it, but I’m still looking for a Coast Guard. There was a whirlwind of superficial dating and activity which even included a neighborly neighbor and the reason one of my bosses and I both lost our jobs – oops – until 2009 when I lost that particular job, my marital home, and filed bankruptcy. That’s also the time when one of my military conquests became way too intense, stalked me, and freaked me out about the superficial life I had been living. From that point, I decided to get my “crap” together and went back to school, got a job, and worked my ass off. So as you can see, it was highly entertaining for her…

We once fought about a paper I wrote about our friendship and the very issue of our differences. It was excessively exaggerated to the point where I claimed that she needed me as a friend to be her voice and I needed her to shut my voice up. It was a creative writing piece about hyperbole, leading the reader, and was supposed to be funny. She hated it. Not only did she hate it, she told me off. She told me that just because I am extroverted and share everything doesn’t mean that other people do the same thing; she told me that I had been being completely self absorbed and a horrible friend. This totally shocked me and I didn’t understand even a little bit. I guess I was too distracted with my own whirlwind of activity that I hadn’t even asked her about hers. She had crap. And I didn’t know about it because I never asked. But, being the most amazing best friend in the entire world, she informed me about introversion, probing questions, and reciprocity. Since she knew that by going back to school and not dating superficially anymore was about me becoming a better and more humane me, she decided to help me with this issue. That was 3 years ago. And I feel I’ve made tremendous progress in that area because now the probing questions are sincere and come out automatically, I have more quality relationships (especially with her, love you!), and hope for a “normal relationship” with my everyman. I couldn’t have done it without her. Oh, and I’ll write about her crap later…

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One comment

  1. […] couple of days ago, I wrote about the relationship I have with my best friend, Marie- here https://everyonehascrap.wordpress.com/2013/12/15/other-peoples-crap-but-really-its-all-about-me/. But it really was all about me, in the sense that it was one-sided and only about her as she […]

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